A time to be born and a time to die,
       a time to plant and a time to uproot,

A time to kill and a time to heal,
       a time to tear down and a time to build,

A time to weep and a time to laugh,
       a time to mourn and a time to dance,

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
       a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

A time to search and a time to give up,
       a time to keep and a time to throw away,

A time to tear and a time to mend,
       a time to be silent and a time to speak,

A time to love and a time to hate,
       a time for war and a time for peace.

For three consecutive years, I have boycotted my family at Christmas, meaning I opted not to spend the holidays with them for various reasons—both within and beyond my control.

In 2004, I was on my third month with Etel and I definitely could not file for a vacation leave. In 2005, I didn’t have the money to pay for my fare because I was then employed in an NGO and was also in the process of tendering my resignation. In 2006, I still could not avail a vacation leave even after being with the company for almost a year already. The reasons were reasonable enough and yet I feel guilty because I know that within me I was not ready to spend time with them and that I was secretly relieved that I could get away with it.

Last year, I really fought hard to avail vacation leave that would cover Christmas and New Year. I did not feel that I was all prepared to spend the holidays with them but I thought that I had to, after all three years had already passed. And you just do not know how glad I am that I did it. I missed my family so much. And spending two weeks with them was just great! Not great in the sense that we did a lot of extraordinary activities, but I was glad that I have taken a glimpse how their lives are these days. Our set-up isn’t really something that can be easily understood by people. In my office, when people ask, I try to simplify everything. Ours is really a complicated one but I am glad that I have finally learned to appreciate what we have. This time around, no more hurts, no more hard feelings. I remembered one time when my mentioned in prayer that despite our proximity from each other, may we always feel that we are family and I just could not help but cry when I heard it.

My parents are old now, they really have changed physically and when I look at them, I could not help but feel that pinch in my heart and I am just so thankful to God that they are my parents, thankful to God for all the love they have given us, their children. And when I see them still working so hard for the family, I feel so inadequate, I really could not measure up to the love that they are giving us. I could not do something that would be an equal to what they are doing for us. I just hope that they can also feel the love that I try to give them back, inferior may it be compared to theirs.

My two brothers have grown so big now. One is in his last semester in college and the other is about to finish high school. I am so amazed to see me how big they have grown, and how matured they have become. I can see that they have grown as good and responsible boys and I really want to give them all that I can give them. I really pray that they know that I may be little compared to them but I so much love them and I wish that life would be kind to them.

The best gift I’ve ever got next to Jesus is my family and I am just glad that last Christmas, I was able to mend my broken relationship with them. We, as family, have been through a lot and I know that there are a lot of things that we still have to overcome. So my prayer is, (and I know that my family joins me in this prayer) that God, in His everlasting goodness, will continue to guide and bless us so we shall overcome. I am grateful and proud of my family, a family that does not fit the definition of what a family is, but have proven that love could truly transcend definitions.

Huh?
Zzzzzzzz ZZzzzzzzz Zzzzzzz ZZzzzzz ZZzzzzzzzz zzzzZZZZZ Zzzzzzz zzzzzzz ZZZZZZZZZZ
ZzzzzZZZZzzz ZzzzZZzzZzZz ZZzzzzzz ZZZZZzzz Zzzzzz ZZzzzzz ZZZZZZZZ zzzzzz Zzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzz zzzzz Zz ZzZzZzZzzzzzzz zZzzzzzz ZzzzZZZzZzZzZ zzzzZZZzzzzzzZZZ zzzzZZZ
zzzZZZZzzzZZZz ZZzzzZZzzZZzzZ zZZzzZzZzZzZzz ZzzzzZzzZzzz ZzzzZzZzzZz zZzZZzzZ
ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz ZZZZzzzzz ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ngork! ;o
(hehe:>)

"How do you know how much is too much?
Too much too soon.
Too much information.
Too much fun.
Too much love.
Too much to ask. . . .
...and when is it all just too much to bear?"

To them, who lied at me...--with big, dirty lies...
To them, who betrayed me, my friendship, my trust...
To them, who MADE ME REALIZE THAT THIS STRUGGLE IS REAL...

Though, i was hurt and hurting still... that when selfishness, bitterness and anger overrides rationality and understanding, i tend to hurt them back by doing anything i can think of... anything!

To them, i really have nothing much to offer... but i want them to know that despite the hurt, the pain and the bitterness, i feel for their struggle, too...that despite my own hurt caused by them, i also hurt for them, for the despair they are in--which makes things so confusing at times that i really end up more bitter--angry at them yet feeling worried, and at the same time helpless... ahh! i'm having a hard time articulating things... but i want them to know that it breaks my heart when i think of them and their struggles... i did not know till recently, how painful it is to be in this dilemma and yet what i feel is nothing compared to what they have been going thru... nothing compared to them who have been concealing amd have been confused with this thing for a long time now...

I've been so alone all my life
I couldn't give my heart to anyone
Hiding in myself was a man
Who needed to be held like everyone

The days moved into years
I look for warmth between the tears
It never ever found me
Never ever found me
Yes, I did seem to grasp at straws
They surely broke all the time

So I hid inside
(Till) I almost died
Yes I hid inside and I cried
A loving heart in a sensitive man
Hiding inside myself

Then you came out of nowhere
I could not believe my heart
I didn't know how to tell you
Didn't know where to start
I know you understand

When I hid inside
I almost died
Oh, I hid inside and I cried
A loving heart in a sensitive man
I know you'll understand

I love you...

i would have to deal with my selfish self first. i'll try my best to include them in my prayers. if i can only give them this much, may they not feel  bad and may they understand that things aren't easy on our end as well...
We just all have to depend on the grace of our God.
Let us worry not, for He promised that His grace will always be enough--for me, for THEM, for us.

And it is with pride that i dedicate this to my single girl friends--lao, js, giselle, sara, rache, ate ana, ate grace(are u still single?), sweet, katie, shao, faith<in no particular order> and to those i failed to mention...
aww, come on guys, just click here and watch the video.. and also for convenience, i included here the lyrics, enjoy!:)

IT'S RAINING MEN
By: Geri Halliwell

Humidity is rising (ah, it's rising)
Barometer's getting low (aw, oh-oh)
According to all sources (all sources now)
The street's the place to go
Cause tonight for the first time
Just about half-past ten (half-past ten)
For the first time in history
It's gonna start raining men! (gonna rain men, men!)

It's raining men!
Hallelujah!
It's raining men!
Amen!

It's raining men!
Hallelujah!
It's raining men!
Amen!

Humidity is rising (ah, it's rising)
Barometer's getting low (aw, oh-oh)
According to all sources (all sources now)
The street's the place to go
Cause tonight for the first time
Just about half-past ten (half-past ten)
For the first time in history
It's gonna start raining men! (gonna rain men, men!)

It's raining men!
Hallelujah!
It's raining men!
Amen!

I'm gonna go out to run
And let myself get absolutely soaking wet!
It's raining men!
Hallelujah!
It's raining men!
Every specimen!
Tall, blonde, dark and lean
Rough and tough and strong and mean!

God bless Mother Nature
She's a single woman, too
She took off to heaven
And she did what she had to do
She taught every angel
She rearranged the sky
So that each and every woman
Could find her perfect guy!

So it's raining men, yeah!
Go get yourself wet, girl, I know you want to

I feel stormy weather
Moving in about to begin
Hear the thunder
Don't you lose your head
Rip off the roof and stay in bed

I feel stormy weather
Moving in about to begin
Hear the thunder
Don't you lose your head
Rip off the roof and stay in bed

It's raining men!
Hallelujah!
It's raining men!
Amen!

It's raining men!
Hallelujah!
It's raining men!
Amen!
It's raining men!

Hallelujah!
It's raining men!
Amen!

It's raining men!
Hallelujah!
It's raining men!
Amen!

It's raining men!
Hallelujah!
It's raining men!
Amen!

Click here to watch the video of one of my favorite songs,
and you are correct, it's
YOU GOT IT ALL :)

i wish i could post "my" video(courtesy of josh, of course! looking back, it was really silly but we had fun doing it! d ba guys?c:)... but then again let us content ourselves with this thing i got from you tube. it is funny but not as funny as with the one we made (ashush!) :)
but anyway, i never thought that time would come for me to truly feel the meaning of this song... sabi ko kasi dati mukhang di ko yata kayang kantahin ang song na 'to na minimean at ninanamnam ang lyrics, but seems i was wrong... i realized that this song conveys a sad truth about life, that things can't always be superb--we disapoint and we do get disappointed as well. it is with this new perspective that i came to see that this song is about closure, forgiveness, and moving on. and surprisingly i saw that i am cool about this:)